Posts

🤔 Why Does Your Maturity Come With an Increased Body Count

-
Why does your maturity come with an increased body count? That’s the question that’s been living rent free in my head lately, and honestly, it’s starting to redecorate. It’s put up wallpaper. It’s bought a plant. It’s not leaving. Think about it. We spend our entire adolescence being told to keep our legs crossed like we’re guarding the last slice of pizza at a birthday party. Abstinence. Purity. Wait until you’re married. Wait until you’re in love. Wait until you’re ready. Wait until the stars align, the moon is in the right phase, and you’ve completed a twelve step program on self respect with a certificate to prove it. Then you hit your twenties and the script gets flipped so fast you get whiplash. Now you’re supposed to have experience. You’re supposed to know what you’re doing. You’re supposed to have a body count that’s high enough to prove you’re desirable but low enough to prove you’re not a menace to society. Good luck finding that sweet spot. It’s like trying to hit a moving ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Happy Wife Happy Life and Other Mediocre Aspirations

-
Let’s talk about the dumbest piece of advice ever uttered by a man in a recliner. “Happy wife, happy life.” Whoever said that should be gently but firmly escorted to the nearest exit. Possibly beaten with a pool noodle. I’m not saying I condone violence. I’m saying I understand it. I’m also saying I’ve thought about it. Repeatedly. While smiling. What does that even mean? Happy wife, happy life. Translation, if you need one. “If she’s not actively shouting at me, I can watch the football in peace.” That’s the dream? That’s the aspiration? A woman in the other room who is mildly dissatisfied but quiet enough that you can pretend everything is fine? Congratulations, you’ve achieved mediocrity. Please collect your trophy on the way out. It’s a participation ribbon. It says “You Tried” in Comic Sans. Here’s the part nobody wants to admit. “Happy wife, happy life” is basically the marital equivalent of “don’t poke the bear.” Except the bear is a human woman with feelings and a memory that g...
Post a Comment
Location: Windhoek, Namibia
Read more

The Gag Reel Is the Real Reel

-
Listen. I need to vent before my eyeballs get permanent damage from rolling so far back into my skull they touch my brain. If I see ONE more person posting their 5AM workout routine, complete with the perfectly lit sunrise and their abs that look like they were chiseled by God himself on a good day, I’m going to lose it. And don’t even get me started on the sauna to cold plunge pipeline. Congratulations, you’re part Viking, part lizard. We get it. You’re basically a superhero with a $300 monthly wellness subscription. Hashtag beast mode. Hashtag disciplined. Hashtag I have no actual personality so I made fitness my entire identity. And the parenting content. OH. The parenting content. The whimsical, Instagram worthy snacks shaped like farm animals that little Timmy apparently eats without complaint and definitely doesn’t throw at the wall while screaming about how the cucumber is “too green.” The sensory bins. The Montessori playrooms that look like a West Elm catalog exploded in a pre...
Post a Comment
Location: Windhoek, Namibia
Read more

😇The Saboteur in the Circle

-
Let's be honest. Female friendship is always a beautiful, supportive sisterhood where everyone celebrates each other's joy. Except when it isn't. And it often isn't. Let's discuss. There is a quiet phenomenon that rarely gets discussed openly. It lives in group chats, in whispered conversations over brunch, and in the uncomfortable silence that follows when someone announces they are in a serious relationship. It is the unspoken tension between loyalty to friends and loyalty to a partner. And it has destroyed more relationships than we care to admit. But sure, let us keep pretending that everyone is rooting for you. The saying goes that women keep women single. Provocative? Absolutely. True? Well, let us just say the shoe fits more feet than anyone wants to admit. The idea is not that all single women are malicious or that female friendship is inherently toxic. Far from it. The idea is that some friendships, particularly those built on shared singledom and mutual va...
Post a Comment
Location: Windhoek, Namibia
Read more

Reclaiming Identity in an Age of Excess

-
Oh, good. Another day, another opportunity to discuss how we are all doing just fine. There is a conversation we are not having loudly enough. It sits beneath the surface of curated feeds, behind the filtered selfies, and under the fluorescent lights of cosmetic clinics. It is a conversation about identity, ancestry, and the quiet violence we do to ourselves when we chase a beauty standard that was never ours to begin with. But sure, let us keep pretending this is all just a vibe. To be a Black woman who wears the hair of a white woman is not merely a style choice. It is a statement. Groundbreaking, I know. To go under the knife to alter one's features toward a more Eurocentric ideal is not just a procedure. It is a confession. And we need to start calling these things what they are. Not preferences. Not harmless fun. But symptoms of a deeper disease. Wild concept, right? Let me be clear. Adorning yourself is not evil. Playing with makeup, trying new hairstyles, wearing extensions ...
Post a Comment
Location: Windhoek, Namibia
Read more

💬 How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Holographic Soul Snare

-
Have you ever had that moment, the one where you’re staring at your ceiling at 3 a.m., and suddenly everything you thought you knew feels like a poorly written plot twist from a straight to DVD sci-fi movie? Like waking up from a dream, only to realize the dream was actually a timeshare presentation, and you’ve already signed the paperwork? That’s where I am right now. And honestly? It’s equal parts terrifying and hilarious. Mostly hilarious, because if I don’t laugh, I might have to take this seriously. And we can’t have that. I’ve been diving deep into some profound perspectives lately, so deep, in fact, that I’m pretty sure I’ve hit the bottom of the rabbit hole and found a gift shop selling tinfoil hats at 20% off. And I need to share them with you. Because if even half of this resonates as truth, it changes everything. If none of it does, well, at least we had a good chuckle. The Unraveling Begins (Cue the Dramatic Music) What if the history you learned in school wasn’t just incom...
Post a Comment
Location: Windhoek, Namibia
Read more

They Killed the Man and Kept the Brand

-
Let’s say the quiet part loud. How dumb do you have to be to think the empire that crucified Jesus preserved his actual fucking message? Come on. Rome didn’t kill him because he was boring. They killed him because he was dangerous. Good news to the poor. Woe to the rich. Forgive your enemies. Overturn the tables. The last will be first. That is not a message that plays nice with empire. That is a message that gets you nailed to a cross. He ate with outcasts. He touched lepers. He talked to women like they mattered. He forgave people the religious machine had already written off. He called the pious hypocrites. He told the comfortable that their comfort was a trap. He told the powerful that their power was on borrowed time. He preached a kingdom that was not Rome. He preached a kingdom that was not the temple. He preached a kingdom where the first are last and the last are first. That is not a message that plays nice with empire. That is a message that gets you arrested, tortured, and e...
Post a Comment
Location: Windhoek, Namibia
Read more