LIFE AFTER SEXUAL ASSAULT: THOUGHTS AND EXPERIENCE

 The trauma of being raped or sexually assaulted can be shattering, leaving you feeling scared, ashamed, and alone or plagued by nightmares, flashbacks, and other unpleasant memories. But no matter how bad you feel right now, it’s important to remember that you weren’t to blame for what happened and you can regain your sense of safety and trust.

“THEY TOLD ME TO KEEP QUIET, TO KEEP THE PEACE, TO MAKE HIM COMFORTABLE. SO THE TRAUMA DANCED AROUND IN MY HEAD, MIGRATING INTO MY CHEST AND HARDENING MY LIMBS. I CARRIED THE WEIGHT OF.”

Here is a story of a Namibian lady who was once a victim of sexual assault and abuse. In the summer of 2022, she was sexually assaulted by someone she considered a friend. Like many other men and women who have been in her shoes, processing what happened to her has been a never ending roller coaster of emotions. She had good days, bad days, and really bad days. Sometimes, she let her bad days get the best of hers. There are times where she started feeling like she couldn’t deal with that for the rest of her life. “This can’t be my reality forever,” she told herself. Truthfully, she even toyed with the idea of not being here anymore. However, she made it a point to actively notice the things that made her days great. It takes a little bit of digging sometimes, but recognizing the little things allowed her to appreciate her life and the people in it. Bottom line, sexual assault sucks. No matter the degree, regardless of the details, it really, truly sucks.

She learned that it does not have to define her life, nor does it define yours. You are more than whatever happened to you, and know that you are validated in whatever brought you here. She trusted nobody, not even the strangers walking by her in the street. It felt like her life was fake and some kind of sick, twisted joke. Being alone was debilitating but being around people made her feel empty. Binge eating just to feel something. Starving herself out of guilt and shame. She felt a profound nausea whenever she’d catch a glimpse of her body. Crying in the shower and in front of the mirror became a regular occurrence. It was just one trauma, after many. She had once believed that he measured her worth beyond her damage but then he damaged her too. Plummeting my self-esteem into the ground. He took advantage of her until he had drained her of my resources, until there was nothing left to take and she had no value to him.

“The process of sexual healing is slow, and works best if it coincides with other healing approaches that focus on assault or abuse. Fortunately, with time and efforts made towards your healing process, the effects that a sexual assault or abuse can have on your ability to enjoy sexual intimacy can be minimized also. Recovering from sexual assault takes time, and the healing process can be painful. But you can regain your sense of control, rebuild your self-worth, and learn to heal“

Location: Windhoek, Namibia

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