THE PAIN OF LOVING AN ADDICT

Watching a loved one spiral into addiction is one of the most heart-wrenching experiences. It’s not just painful to witness, it’s an emotional rollercoaster that leaves you questioning everything. The truth is, addiction isn’t something that can be fixed by love alone, no matter how deeply you care for them. True addiction can only be overcome when the addict fully confronts and processes their own demons. Until they do, there is nothing you can do to rescue them.

This creates a unique form of pain for those of us who love them. You feel powerless. You want to help, but no amount of sympathy, support, or encouragement will make a difference unless they are ready to change themselves. Watching someone you love walk down a path of self-destruction can be confusing and deeply frustrating. You may feel torn between offering them comfort and drawing the hard line of tough love. And, sometimes, tough love feels like betrayal. They can’t understand why you, someone who loves them so much, would turn your back in their moment of need.

The truth is, though, that turning your back is not abandonment. It’s the deepest form of love you can give them. It is the hardest choice, but it’s necessary. A person cannot save them from their addiction. As much as you want to, you cannot be the one to fix them. Only they can choose to fight their own battle. 

Through all of this, something remarkable happens. Former addicts, those who have faced their demons head-on, often emerge as some of the most deeply empathetic, understanding, and kind-hearted people you could ever meet. It’s almost as if they have unlocked a part of themselves that the rest of us have yet to discover—a depth of compassion born from suffering. Their transformation is nothing short of extraordinary. It’s hard to comprehend how someone who was once trapped by addiction could become so completely changed. But when they do, the difference is palpable. 

It is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit. Addiction may hold them captive for a time, but it doesn't define who they are forever. There is always hope, even when it feels out of reach.

While you wait for them to reach out for help, hold onto that hope. Keep them in your prayers, but know that the best thing you can give them is not material support, but the space to face their own reality. Offer them clean clothes, a warm meal, but never enable their self-destruction. Stand firm in your love, because your refusal to enable their addiction is, in the long run, the greatest act of love you can offer.

God willing, there will come a day when they will look back, see the love you’ve offered them through your tough choices, and find the strength to make that first step toward recovery. 

Location: Windhoek, Namibia

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