Dressing for “Myself” and Other Modern Dating Fairy Tales

Ah yes, the timeless excuse: “I wear this for me, not for anyone else.” Because nothing screams “self-love” like walking outside half-naked, freezing in 10-degree weather, and pretending your goosebumps are an act of feminism. Sis, if it was really for you, you’d wear that outfit in your room with no audience, no selfies, and no captions. But we both know the Wi-Fi is faster than your moral compass.

And men? Please, don’t flex like saints. You’ll lecture women about “modesty” while posting shirtless gym pics captioned “grind mode”. No bro, that’s thirst-trap mode, and your DMs are proof. You can’t tell her to stop dressing for attention while you’re flexing for Susan from Accounting and anyone else who double-taps. Hypocrisy has a six-pack now.

Let’s talk “insecurities.” That word gets tossed around so much, it’s basically the garnish on every toxic relationship plate. If a guy says, “Babe, maybe cover up a little,” it’s called communication, not dictatorship. But no, apparently asking for boundaries makes him insecure while you posting “girls’ night 🥂✨” in a bikini somehow makes you confident. Right. And I eat salad because I like the taste.

Then there’s the submission olympics. Oh, the irony. Modern women will preach, “I don’t need no man telling me what to do!” but the moment a guy says “change the outfit,” it turns into a TED Talk about empowerment. Funny though, because the ones who actually do compromise, respect their man, and understand the difference between sexy and sloppy, guess what? They’re the ones getting married, spoiled, and chilling in the houses y’all are tweeting about. Respect gets rings, rebellion gets situationships.

But let’s not forget the ultimate comedy: women saying they “dress sexy for themselves.” Honey, if you really wanted to feel good, you’d wear pajamas, eat Doritos, and binge Netflix. The truth? You dress sexy so strangers can validate you while you pretend not to notice. “I don’t care what men think” says the woman who takes 57 photos to get the perfect angle for her story. Sure, Jan.

And men, don’t clap too loud, you’re just as delusional. Y’all claim you want a “classy queen” but still double-tap every Instagram model who’s one sneeze away from public indecency. You want loyalty but follow temptation like it’s a GPS route. No wonder modern dating is a mess, you’re both playing dress-up, just for different audiences.

Bottom line? Modern relationships aren’t failing because of clothes, they’re failing because everyone’s performing. Half-naked women convincing themselves it’s “self-expression.” Men pretending it’s “respect” when it’s really ego. Both sides calling each other insecure while secretly refreshing likes. Congratulations, y’all turned love into a circus, and everyone’s the clown.