If She Brings a Friend to the Date, Focus on Her Friend More... And She Will Never Do It Again.

Let's set the scene. You’re prepped for a one-on-one vibe check. The conversation online was fire, the chemistry was promising. You show up, and you see her... and then you see the shadow lurking behind her. The Friend. Your first thought might jump to a hopeful dreamer's gambit, wondering if this is the start of a collaborative event. It’s a fair question to ask, if only to understand the rules of the game. But let's be real, 99.9% of the time, the answer is no. This isn't a threesome; it's a test. And the moment that "no" hits your ears, the dynamic shifts entirely. She didn't make it a date; she made it a committee meeting, and that means you ain't the one.

This is your moment to execute a power move so potent, she will never think of pulling this stunt again. The strategy is simple: become utterly captivated by her friend. The immediate, enthusiastic pivot is key. Your face should light up as if her friend's unexpected presence is the best thing that could have happened. Greet the friend with a declaration that you’ve heard so much about them, selling the lie with absolute conviction. You have now reframed the entire dynamic from awkward audition to gracious hosting.

For the entirety of the encounter, your focus must become a laser beam aimed directly at the friend. Maneuver your seating so the friend is the central figure. Direct your conversation almost exclusively to her, asking about her life, her job, her opinions. Maintain intense, enthusiastic eye contact with her, making your date a blurry figure in your peripheral vision. Work diligently to create inside jokes with the friend, laughing at her stories like they are the funniest things you’ve ever heard. This is where you weaponize charm; compliment the friend on her taste, her laugh, her insights. Let your date sit in a compliment desert while you shower her friend in verbal affirmation. She wanted a buffer, but you've turned the buffer into the main event. It’s not a date anymore; it’s a competition.

The grand finale is the graceful exit. When the moment is right, perhaps after the bill has been split with flawless pettiness, maybe you even offered to pay for the friend's drink instead of hers, you make your move. You look the friend dead in the eye and tell her it was an absolute pleasure. You turn to your date, give a casual, friendly nod, and then you vanish. The Irish Goodbye is executed to perfection. You’ve just communicated that your time is valuable and you won’t be auditioning for a role you didn’t apply for.

The aftermath is guaranteed. She will leave that date baffled, maybe a little jealous, and one hundred percent certain that bringing a friend on a date is a one-way ticket to a bizarre and slightly ego-crushing experience. You've performed a public service. She will never do it again. Mission accomplished.

So raise your glass to a lesson well taught. Stay toxic, kings. 😎


Disclaimer: This writing is intended for satirical and entertainment purposes only. This is objectively terrible advice for building healthy, functional relationships. But hey, we don't tell you how to live your life.😂

Location: Windhoek, Namibia

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