🤑Girlfriend allowance is the promotion of prostitution🤭

Eish, bra. There's a trend going around where men are handing out a "girlfriend allowance" like it's a salary review. A regular payout to a girlfriend just for showing up in the relationship. No bills shared. No load carried. No plan being built. Nothing. And somehow this is being sold to you as "provider energy." Sharp sharp, very romantic. Very cash app is my love language.

When love comes with a payslip

Let's be honest, what's up with calling this a relationship? It's basically a bar tab with extra steps. Money goes one way. Attention comes back the other way. On schedule. Like a debit order.

You're not dating. You're running payroll for one employee whose only key performance indicator is being available.

And the scary part? Nobody signed anything. But everybody knows the terms. The month the transfers stop, the availability stops. The replies get shorter. The "I'm busy" starts showing up. And you sit there confused, asking what went wrong, when nothing went wrong. You just missed a payment.

That's not romance, bra. That's a subscription service with better lighting.

Do the maths, is ja

Let me put it in numbers because men love pretending they haven't counted.

Say you're sending 2k a month. Data, airtime, transport, hair, nails, "something small for me." That's 24k a year. Over three years, 72k. Over five, 120k.

Now ask yourself one question. What could you have done with 120k?

Deposit on a plot in  Tura, a car that actually starts in winter. Your mother's funeral policy paid off. A business that brings in money while you sleep. School fees for your small brother who's actually trying.

Instead, you sponsored a lifestyle for someone who wasn't building anything with you. Not your wife. Not the mother of your kids. Just there. Just available. Just billing you.

And the day you can't provide, you find out what you were actually paying for. That's the test, mos. Not the good months. The broke months.

The hangover is not the money

Sure, the money hurts. But the bigger hangover here is what it does to your head.

Once love has a price tag, "are we together?" (do you even understand what's happening) stops meaning emotional connection and starts meaning "did the transfer go through." You start measuring the relationship by receipts. She starts measuring you by consistency of payment. And neither of you notices the day it stopped being love and became a service agreement.

Then there's the part nobody wants to say out loud. Most men who get drained like this are not victims of some scheming woman. They're paying on purpose. Because the payment buys something they can't get any other way. Attention. Validation. The feeling of being chosen. The feeling of being needed.

You're not paying for her, boeta. You're paying to avoid the silence. And you cannot pay someone to fill a hole that only God and self respect can fill. That's why the money never feels like enough. That's why you keep sending more. You're not buying love. You're renting the feeling of it.

The lineup: 15th, 20th, 25th, 30th

Now here's the part that stings more than the debit order.

You think you're the only one sending "something small." You're not. You're one line item in a whole roster.

Check the Namibian calendar, bra. The 15th, the 20th, the 25th, the 30th and 31st. Those aren't just pay days. Those are appointment days.

The 15th guy, mid month, government or company pay date. He's the "he's reliable" one. She talks about him nicely. He gets the good morning texts. He gets the voice notes.

The 20th ous, the one who sends a bit more, so he gets a little more attention. Maybe a visit. Maybe a photo. Something to keep him warm until the next one lands.

The 25th ous, the "he's a sweet guy but he doesn't understand me" one. He funds the self care. He funds the nails. He funds the weave. He gets a thank you message and a "let's do something soon."

The 30th or 31st ous, the end of month one. The biggest transfer. The one who thinks he's the main man. The one who's actually funding the month ahead for someone else's girlfriend.

Four men. One woman. One month. Perfectly budgeted.

And each one thinks he's the only one. Each one thinks the silence on the 16th means she's busy. Each one thinks the distance on the 26th is because she's tired. Each one is being managed, is ja. Like a portfolio.

That's not a relationship, bra. That's a multi tenant arrangement and you're not even the landlord. You're one of the flats. And you're paying rent to live in a place you don't own.

And before the boys start feeling clever, the reverse is real too. Some of you have a lineup. One for the 15th, one for the 25th, one for when the main one is busy. You're not innocent, you're just on the other side of the same scam. Everybody billing everybody. Nobody building anything.

Build, don't bleed

Every rand you're just, pointlessly throwing at multiple allowances is a rand that's not going into your business, your savings, the good life you're supposed to be building.

Guys running three girlfriend allowances at once aren't ballers. They're financially going nowhere, no vehicle for growth, driving in circles thinking it's progress. Five ladies on the payroll, no assets in the yard, no plan on the table. That's not a playboy. That's a sponsor with an expiry date.

And while you're funding five lifestyles, the one woman who would have built with you is somewhere being overlooked because she didn't ask for anything. The one who would have stayed through the broke season. The one who would have asked about your goals instead of your balance. You missed her, because you were too busy being a bank.

The other side, because we must be fair

Not every woman is on that energy. Let's not generalise and lie.

There are women who hold things down. Who pay rent while a man builds. Who cook when there's nothing in the house and don't mention it. Who are still there when his account reads zero, not because they're trapped, but because they chose him. That woman is not receiving an allowance. She's investing in a union. Different thing entirely.

Partnership vs payroll. That's the line, is ja.

And if you're a woman reading this and feeling attacked, relax. This is not about you. It's about a system that taught both sides that this is normal. You're allowed to leave it too. You're allowed to build something of your own. You're allowed to be the one who puts money in instead of taking it out.

The alternative

Invest in yourself first, mos [obviously]. Build something real. Skills. Income. A future. Before you build a spreadsheet of allowances.

And when you do pick a partner, pick one where it's a shared fire, everyone contributes, not a one man tab. Someone who asks about your plan. Someone who saves with you. Someone who tells you the truth even when it costs her. Someone who would still be there if you lost everything tomorrow.

Because that woman doesn't want an allowance. She wants a partner.

And the one asking for 5k for "self care" while you're driving a kar with a broken window? No, come on. She needs a job.

That's not financial suicide, bra. That's just financial sense, is ja.

Comment below. Have you ever been the sponsor, the builder, or the chommie who watched a boy go through it? And if you were the one receiving the transfers, I want to hear your side too. Let's talk properly. 💬